I feel awful. I had planned for this entry to take some sort of … better turn, but for right now, here it is: I feel awful. Last night, I ate half a box of Thin Mints. This morning, I finished the other half. Two nights ago, while under the influence of a certain substance that can often encourage you to munch down on some snack food, I ate a WHOLE BOX of Tagalongs. (Granted, I feel like, to some extent, Girl Scout cookies are eligible for some sort of reprieve, a “Well, these won’t be here for another year, so have a few! Treat yourself!”)

This does not, however, mean that I can go HAM on two boxes of Girl Scout cookies in two days. Does. Not. These days, I’ve been killing it in the worst way possible with food (Pizza? Don’t mind if I do! Cookies? Yum central! Okay! Burritos? GET AT ME.) and killing it even more-so in the exercise department. Let’s not talk about my laziness. 

I just … I feel awful. And I follow a lot of blogs that promote body acceptance & health at any size and just … “Feel good about yourself, regardless of what you’re doing with your body! That’s most important!” and I think that got to me a little too much. I was running around with the mindset that, “Hell yeah, I’m fat. It’s great. Get at me with some more of that dessert.” And, y’know what? That’s awesome for some people, but it just doesn’t quite work very well with me: at least not the after-math. I feel sluggish. Sick. Weighed down. My skin looks like shit. My hair looks like shit. I feel like shit.

It’s just all very silly, the cycles that we go through with our bodies. I’m going through old entries & trying to remind myself how gung-ho I was about being healthy & eating good food & exercising to make me feel good in my body. How feeling satisfied & feeling stuffed to the gills - something I’ve been very familiar with lately - are two completely different things. How great progress in the right direction feels. It seems I’ve forgotten all of those things in favor of how great that DQ Mint Oreo Blizzard tastes. (Which, let’s all be honest with ourselves: it’s fucking primo, but it’s not what I need to be putting in my body! What’s that doing for me? Nothing.)

So. Here I am, trying to get back to where I was. I’m at home for Spring Break right now, but I’ll be weighing myself on Sunday when I get back to Athens. I started this blog one year ago on April 1st, & it’s crazy how the time has absolutely flown. 

I have one request: Can we please pretend that I never left? Can we not act like like there was some huge gaping hole in my progress (which there was) and just let me pretend that I’ve still got that momentum that I started out with? That’s what I want. That’s what I need. I need to keep going, not re-start (because God knows, re-starting is the most difficult of all.) Please, stick with me on this. I know I haven’t been up to par in the Land of the Fitblrs lately, but I’m going to try.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going downstairs to eat some fruit. Yum.